Really pathetic sad face

I have been a bit sad lately, though I suspect I do this every Winter, because I'm not sure where my future is in equestrian. It's definitely hellishly expensive and while I quite like producing young horses, without competition I lose interest really quickly. Like really quickly. Its the motivation and the driving force in my riding. It's expensive and tiring and so stressful but I love it so much. Whether I actually have the temperament remains to be seen, I have a horrible feeling I'll never be brave enough, but while I feel like that, I will never be brave enough in one of those stupid conundrum things and a cycle I need to break. My partner says that I'm too smart for my own good, and I have had too many tumbles now to be really brave. It will come I just have to believe.

But anyway this year the crux of my mopeyness is horse power. I can still only dream of the big brave scopey jumper of my, well, dreams. I have had some amazing horses, though most have come already somewhat broken in terms of courage, I haven't ever really had a super scopey horses where you are like damn thats a freak. Well Butch is scopey as and could probably jump a 1*GP but he gets so fragile showjumping. He has once felt fragile and like he might fizz over once on XC after I hit him into the water but after two more jumps he just chilled right out again, whereas once he gets that way showjumping it's a hard ride until the flags, especially if you need to turn left. He wasnt like this as a seven yr old so it's something that has happened in the interim.

I love him and I happy to event him because it makes him happy but he still isnt the horse I dream of owning. Maybe I'm being selfish and mean and just a terrible person, but all I really really want with all my wantings is to showjump over huge fences. Ones that are terrifying. Though next season I'm definitely going to try harder to fix some of his issues a bit more instead of just accommodating him. Though that is going to be an exercise in tact!

So anyways, this little chap is Charlie the 4yr old schooler I have at the moment whom is far to smart for his own good.

And in a totally immodest photo montage of myself jumping bigger jumps to cheer myself up.

This is not such a big fence but with as difficult as the horse was I consider it a victory, this round was a hell of a ride.

There you go the highlights of a showjumping career 12 years long. The biggest fences are 1.25m or between 1.20m-1.30m depending on the class which is pretty big hey, the smallest is 1.05m. It's quite nice all together. Only another 15cm and I can jump a 1star GP but thats a huge 15cm. I just have to keep working and training and competing and one day when I have money I can buy my dream horse. Like this one- Cumano:

Still, looking through it, I am at least still progressing and thats half of the battle. It's just Winter, and Spring will be here soon and I'll be eventing and showjumping and everything will be better, because at least I will feel like I'm working towards something again.

Kate is back, back again

Being myself, and therefore, somewhat madcap it's not unusual for me to come up with madcap plans and I have had a doozey this time. I really want a horse to putter around with and maybe catch the last few hunts with her if I take easy obviously. Im not about to start thrashing an unfit horse around. She does have some minor arthritis issues in one knee but with hunting on the soft winter ground, over spars that are quite small I don't think it will be such an issue and I can use small doses of bute to keep her comfortable if it turns out she needs it,

She looks really well, not too fat and living on the side of a hill and having been super fit before for hunting in previous years and being a TB her base level of fitness shouldn't be too bad. Of course I have had her for a week and I have yet to sit on her because her foal was actually still feeding off of her and she had a surprising amount of milk on so she has been up on the side of the hill with Butch drying off, and she has had shoes put on and a iodine bath and a worm so I doubt that we are friends at this point.

I'm farm sitting for three months and I'll bring her down here tomorrow hopefully though the forecast is pretty ordinary. I should get her a corset for her mumma tummy. Though she badly badly needs a caslick after having torn some while having her foal and now she sounds loose as, to the point that she probably isn't rideable but the vet appointment is tomorrow at 2.30. What was supposed to be a get an older horse whom has hunted and pick up the tail end of the season has turned into a very expensive exercise. Curses! Though Kate is enjoying being far far away from her baby and it does give me something to do for the next little while.

I also have a very cheeky little schooler coming in as well so that will be interesting. So I'm finding unemployment very very busy.

Holidays for everyone!

So currently I am in Rarotonga with the last of the money from Connie for the island holiday I promised I would have. It's much much poorer than I thought over here but it's so beautiful and warm and the people are delightful. I would highly recommend it to anyone even though I have gotten quite fat. Butch is on holiday too as of my leaving date a week ago and I'm told he is doing fine. I was just starting to feel like even though the hunting was freshining him up his body was tired and he soft tissue needed a rest. I have a ringer coming in for the rest of hunting whom shows up at the start of this blg so that should be interesting. I still am dearly missing the big scopey ahpwjper of my dreams but being unemployed my options are severely limited. I didn't realise with my education I would struggle so much to get a job but here it is. Life is a kick in the cock sometimes and I have made a hash of it. Sorry I'm not sober love you all on my last night in the beautiful Cook Islands x.

Showjumping

So brother butch and I went showjumping this weekend. Butch is not a happy man indoors so it's nice during the winter series to have the opportunity to jump the big guy over some small tracks inside with less pressure and atmosphere. Was in the 1.05m class first and while he did start to boil over a bit at the end I managed to keep him settled enough to jump a clear round. In the jump off he was quite strong and I never got him quite settled but still managed some inside turns and things.

Then came the 1.10m class and in both classes there had been a class which was an upright five strides down to a one stride double. This 1.05m I kept him more settled by keeping quiet and king six strides down to the double. In the bigger class I let him roll down in the five strides which to be fair is something he needs to be able to do but afterwards he was hotter and so I had a rail at nine and a rail at eleven both which probably could have been avoided if I had collected the canter more and got him more settled.

It as really fun to be showjumping again after having done some eventing and hunting both butch and I feel really fresh and good. He didn't even go left though he did think about it.

In other more horrible news while my boyfriend was Unsaddling  itch a neighbouring horse pulled back and butch pulled back and joined them while his saddle was still attached to his breastplate and the girth was undone so he spent some time jumping around on my beautiful calfskin prestige event saddle which I love passionately and is my favourite off all the things. I'll take it into a saddler tomorrow because if it's dead I don't know what I'll do being unemployed etc. I love that saddle it's a cuddle for your butt.

Pretty Pictures

Riding out at Otiro hunt riding Kiwi Icon whom has to be one of the best hunters ever. He never touches a fence regardless of how bad the distance is. Fastest front end ever.

So happy to be back on this guy even if we did go sideways for the early part of the hunt. Jumped 2 full wires. After the first two runs I pulled up and mostly watched because he has lost a lot of fitness and felt a little stiff hear the end. 

Small field for the Wednesday hunt made for competitive hunting and peer pressure to jump things. So despite the less than pretty prep on the fences my horse was a super star. He tries hard. Jumped tapes even

Looking across the South Wairarapa; the Rimutaka Hills in the background with the light shining off of Lake Wairarapa 

Ike got to try the new compression suit after he whipped all day at the hunt. Very interested to see how he goes tomorrow. The lovely Butch with his white stockings pulled up to his knees.

Bojangles

My horse is funny looking. He is a very very pretty colour and has lovely white socks in the front which I like. He has a swayed back and his shoulder is bigger than his hindquarter. His neck is tending to be muscled all the wrong way. Despite this he is a pretty mover and he tries so hard and he is a super jumper with an awesome back end. 

He has been so wearying. There was a moment about 2 months ago when I had just had a gutsful of him. He requires a very precise ride and previous riders have created some anxiety I'm constantly working against to keep him relaxed and settled. He can be lazy but also can over react to the spur and get rattled by it. He loses condition easily and puts it on slowly. He windsucks and he has this coffin joint issue and he is the highest maintenance horse I have ever owned by a lot. 

And then I evented him and I found his calling. He loves it so much and he is so good at it. Well his dressage sucks but that will come we can fix that. And he hunts like a gangster. He isn't the big warmbloody powerhouse Sjer of my dreams, not even close. He is a slightly simple, quirky sensitive difficult horse. He was so grumpy when I first brought him and at least now he is more cheerful and likes cuddles and being engaged.

Not being able to ride him has been so frustrating and I realised something yesterday. I love him. I never used to love him, and maybe he didn't turn out to be the horse I wanted and I better get braver eventing because thats where he belongs, but I love him anyway.

One Sick Pony

So out hunting two weeks ago, Butchly got to small cuts on his back legs. He then missed the showjumping day and I catchrode a baby for my old boss, because his front legs had swollen up. I think this was from the red clover diet and because he stocks up when he isn't moving much. He looked to be improving until Friday of Easter and then cue two hot fat swollen back legs and a very poorly pony.

The swelling even spread to the front of his face (weird) and two patches under his belly. So cue all the antibiotics and one sad pony. He is quite sore in the neck from the injections and he wouldn't eat of the ground for a long time, though I make him eat his hard fed off the ground because he needs to use his neck to stop it hurting.

The downside is I wont make the 3DE at Taupo for the national championships because I needed one more qualifying score and I will miss the last two chances to compete because they are inside his drug withholding. That is far less important than getting my horse right of course but a shame all the same.
Horses.