Am I scared to jump?!

I am at least riding a bit more now, my little horse is making god progress with his flat work though he is unbelievably fat, especially considering how long it took me to get him up to weight after buying him. Its incredibly dry here now, and the ground is very hard. I guess I'm turning into a bit of an arena baby, because I feel mean working him on hard ground, even though he lives on it anyway, and when there weren't so many arenas around I worked them on hard ground all Summer without any issues. I don't think its such a problem providing their legs are harden off, with hacking and low intensity work. That being said, I wouldn't jump on this ground. I have even been at my old bosses riding the odd horse here and there, which is good because my balance and fitness have suffered some.

He is a funny horse to work, he always wants to travel kinked slightly to the right, so he is quite blocked in all his lateral work to the right, so that's a good little issue for me to continue working on, that and getting him in front of my leg. He is so lazy, its hard to believe he ever won money on the track. He hates hacking but I make him go. Once the third horse is picked up from the grazing I might just ride Kate the old boot and take him out on the lead, in the hopes he will enjoy himself more. He just lacks confidence and gets quite shut down and then on the way home he is very naughty. Never had a horse who doesn't look around just keeps his head straight in front of him and then looks for dragons. Very strange.

What is also strange is my lack of desire to jump. Also driven by my lack of transport though, but yea definitely feel like I cant jump a horse anymore. It's been so long Im sure my eye wont exist anymore. I have never been a brave rider, and maybe I'll never jump again. I sort of want to try other things, maybe go on a trek (even though I say this and then when I go trekking I absolutely hate I because its boring). I'd like to dabble in some dressage, maybe even get a few lessons when I have some money to spare. Or I'll suck it up and take him for a jump, because he is a super promising jumper. Damn it. How can a sport I lived and breathed for 14 years suddenly seem both daunting and not so important.
There is currently a huge amount of trouble within the NZ jumping board and there has been restructuring and rule changes that have really turned me off the sport as well. I'm not inclined to give them my hard earnt money when they are all being a pack of petty unorganised jerks.

Maybe I'll find something local to go play at. Sigh, life.

Updates are a long time coming

 Castlepoint Beach on the stunning Erl

While life isn't peachy keen and I'm struggling to make my income fit my expenditure (I need to alter my standard of living- definitely eating out/drinking too much) I still really dont want a 9-5 job. Part of it is I love the variety my life has now, and I have the freedom to block out days as I please for adventures that I cant really afford. It's just a bit hard in the lean times, when work isn't coming in. I should really get a third job :/  Still last week my old boss and I had a day blocked out to go for a hoon at the beach. It's the prettiest spot in the world I think, and was always the beach I went to for holidays as a child. It was a stunning day.

Erl wasn't that convinced it was safe, but you can bully Erl into doing things easily enough so we had quite a good paddle in the ocean and a couple of really good canters. That is the greatest feeling in the world isn't it?? The sheer raw power of sitting on a powerful horse, racing down the sand forever, it's magic, it makes the blood sing in your veins. That would be my most exciting horsey adventure for a long time.

 Tsar is looking and feeling fantastic. He is making leaps and bounds on being more in front of the leg and travelling straighter and falling in and out less on his turns. I really want to start getting him out and about more though hacking wise. I am still finding my motivation to jump pretty low. He went to the CHB A and P show and he jumped the 90cm clean the first day, though was fairly erratic between the fences, inconsistent in speed and had a few bucks. He gets so forward in the ring and he is so lazy at home, that it means I'm not training the whoa enough at home for it to be consistent and smooth. I am working really hard on schooling him hot. The next day the winds were really high and he was pretty frantic, jumped clean but wasnt getting up into the air as much, then fences 9 and 10 blew down as well at the jump crews gazebo so I retired, especially as he had jumped quieter and softer over 7 and 8.

Its quite cool that he is such a cool friendly pony that I really enjoy but that has some real potential. Though the National jumping federation are being a bunch of dickheads so I'm loathe to register him and start competing. Might do a local sports day this weekend if the weather is ok. He is a pretty special pony and he may have turned up in my life just when I needed him. I am prety nervous to jump though, I need to do more training.

Crossing the cows at work! Who wouldn't want this job, and the crews are work with are so much fun, so we will soldier on and hopefully shit gets a bit easier. I'm not sure how much the below pic applies but it cracks me up :)

Wairarapa A and P

Its hardly been a secret that with my terrible October, I have been struggling to ride, and old Tsar hasn't been getting the work he needs. I entered a show and then basically scratched because I got called into work, which is sad because I missed the show but good because I'm desperate for money. I sort of used my partner as a back stop financially and now I'm on my own so oops on that one. And I lost the polo ponies I work which would have covered my rent so things got tight really fast. That and I want to be a social butterfly, though after the next two weekends it might be time for a detox. 

I have moved Tsar from the grazing he was at to my old bosses place because I need her help to get motivated. And brave. I have never in my life been less excited to ride, even when I broke all the bones in my hand I was on a horse two weeks after surgery, while at the moment I would walk away from horses all together I think. Still I have Tsar and he is the sweetest natured horse and a real chatty Cathy. Anyways, I dragged him to a show to jump around the 80cm class having had not much work and only having jumped two cross bars beforehand.

Got to the show and it was blowing an absolute gale, terrible weather for a green horse that hadn't had much work. I was all like I'll leave it. And hen I walked the course and was like I'll get my boss to ride him. She then totally reverse psychologied me and I found myself warming up and then jumping the warm up fences and then I was like screw it lets go. Once I got in the ring it was easier because he was naughty so getting around was the only goal and I didnt have to worry about it being smooth because it wasn't going to happen. He was super zoomy towards the gate, then falling behind the leg away from the gate, but he jumped clear and couple of times gave me a lovely feeling in the air. Got the strides in the double and the related line, which is good because he can be tight striding and that would be limiting to his scope. If anything he is a little too aggressive in his lines.

My old boss reckons I'd be crazy to sell him so I'll keep playing with him and see how we go. Wouldn't it be a head trip if my cheapest horse turns out to be my best? I enjoyed being back in the ring and it was a tiny thing, but I did and that felt good. Now I just need this southerly to clear so I can get riding again.  

Stoptober

In which I wish October would end because as a month it sucks the big one. Buried Butch, my relationship broke up for the last time, no go backsys this time. To be fair despite ten years of history the relationship was a dead duck. It can just be really hard to see what's in front of you. This is a stupid post and I really have not much to say, but I'm alive, I'm upright and I'm still moving. I'm going to be ok. PS Connie is going super well and is much beloved in her new home, so thats a huge relief.

Where to now

It's so bizarre to think I'll never have this view again. Though I'm comfortable I made the right decision, I do miss the big guy. Its so bizarre to think this time last year I had two horses jumping 1.15m-1.20m and now I have one horse jumping 80cm. Tsar is in a boarding situation at the moment because its cheap as chips and he looks fantastic, his weight is perfect. It's been great because through all of this it has been one less thing to worry about. Had a lunge today in blustery weather and he was so naughty, much bucking and plunging. I elected not to ride him today and to crack on tomorrow. He is adorable though, such a sweet boy. 

It's just so hard starting again with a relatively green version. Tsar has been out and about prior to coming to me but he is still sort of green in his way of going and his outlook. Back into the baby jumping classes. It's also so stressful because financially I went to the bone for Butch and there is so little margin in my income. I'm not even sure how much I want to show anymore. I'm so jaded on it. But then without the incentive of showing I'm not sure if I will stay motivated. 

I have had the chance to jump a couple of client horses for my old boss and she has plenty of riding for me if I want it. It's been quite nice jumping small fences on other peoples horses and just having a play. It helps that they are both straightforward cute horses. I think I will just potter along until inspiration strikes

Vale Bitchly

So today I farewelled brother Butch and gave him a dignified exit. He ran an incredible xc in the weekend to finish 3rd in the training class. The weather for cross country was hideously old and horrible. Never before have I been galloping along like I'm so cold I just want to stop. Everytime I looked up his ginger ears were hard forward. He was a touch sticky on the way out in horrendous footing, but settled in amazing and never gave me a moments hesitation. Had a moment in the water when I overrode it thinking he would suck back and we jumped in like we were trying to clear the thing. 

People must watch me dressage and lol but he is such a phenomenal jumper it makes up for the fact we or usually about second to last after te first phase. It breaks my heart a little I didn't switch him to eventing earlier. He loves it so much. He probably would have been a three star horse before his body was all messed up. 

The deal is he wasn't sound. He was a one out of five off all the time, he didn't respond to the coffin joint injection very much and his feet are so brittle he needs to go on to glue ons which I can't afford, even though my incredible farrier offered me an unbelievable deal. So while he is sort of comfortable enough and functionally sound on this round of shpes he was going to be crippled. I have to remind myself of this because this means he went out still functional. He was so much more fragile than last season and I wonder how comfortable he was in his body. At some point you just have to stop throwing money at the issue and face the facts. I still can't believe it's real, that I'll never see his gorgeous pink nose again. To the best xc horse and hunter I ever rode. Love you bitchly, please forgive me.

When is it enough

Sooo is been a mental few weeks. I'm working long hours, and I'm really struggling to get to the horses. Obviously, in this situation Butch becomes the priority and Tsar can wait a little. It's only four weeks until daylight saving. Butch though. Oh Butch my darling darling boy. Why must you do this to me. So when he came back in from Winter his feet were a shambles, despite being shod, because he pulled most of his shoes. He has never had great feet though I haven't had too much in the way of issues with him, thy have come up in a big way. I started boxing him at nights to let his feet dry up and get harder, and to help keep his shoes on. This next reset he hasn't grown enough foot and so his already weak feet have too many nail holes.

My farrier wants to go to glue-ons and we are looking at scary large money for this. He can't go without shoes, he just cant, he would be so miserable. Two cycles with glue-ons and I should have a different horse, my farrier says he will love me for it and I trust my farrier implicitly. Here comes the dilemma. I don't have scary large money, and he already has this coffin joint issue, and he is such a tricky pony. I have quite a good understanding with him but he still is not an easy horse by any stretch. I'll never sell him and as a pasture puff he is just too high maintenance. You cant just pull his shoes and expect him to be comfortable and maintain his weight.

Still, I rode a little this evening and while he doesnt feel super he was ok and did some really nice work. I love him and I'm not prepared to knock the big guy over just yet. I'm struggling to find my enthusiasm for competing and riding anyway, which never happens in this part of the season. I should be champing at the bit, but my life is a bit of a shambles so I'm struggling with a slightly unsure future as well. It's a heavy weight on me. I guess the first few shoes will tell me if he wants to play the game. Showjumping the weekend coming and three weeks until the first horse trial.