Stoptober

In which I wish October would end because as a month it sucks the big one. Buried Butch, my relationship broke up for the last time, no go backsys this time. To be fair despite ten years of history the relationship was a dead duck. It can just be really hard to see what's in front of you. This is a stupid post and I really have not much to say, but I'm alive, I'm upright and I'm still moving. I'm going to be ok. PS Connie is going super well and is much beloved in her new home, so thats a huge relief.

Where to now

It's so bizarre to think I'll never have this view again. Though I'm comfortable I made the right decision, I do miss the big guy. Its so bizarre to think this time last year I had two horses jumping 1.15m-1.20m and now I have one horse jumping 80cm. Tsar is in a boarding situation at the moment because its cheap as chips and he looks fantastic, his weight is perfect. It's been great because through all of this it has been one less thing to worry about. Had a lunge today in blustery weather and he was so naughty, much bucking and plunging. I elected not to ride him today and to crack on tomorrow. He is adorable though, such a sweet boy. 

It's just so hard starting again with a relatively green version. Tsar has been out and about prior to coming to me but he is still sort of green in his way of going and his outlook. Back into the baby jumping classes. It's also so stressful because financially I went to the bone for Butch and there is so little margin in my income. I'm not even sure how much I want to show anymore. I'm so jaded on it. But then without the incentive of showing I'm not sure if I will stay motivated. 

I have had the chance to jump a couple of client horses for my old boss and she has plenty of riding for me if I want it. It's been quite nice jumping small fences on other peoples horses and just having a play. It helps that they are both straightforward cute horses. I think I will just potter along until inspiration strikes

Vale Bitchly

So today I farewelled brother Butch and gave him a dignified exit. He ran an incredible xc in the weekend to finish 3rd in the training class. The weather for cross country was hideously old and horrible. Never before have I been galloping along like I'm so cold I just want to stop. Everytime I looked up his ginger ears were hard forward. He was a touch sticky on the way out in horrendous footing, but settled in amazing and never gave me a moments hesitation. Had a moment in the water when I overrode it thinking he would suck back and we jumped in like we were trying to clear the thing. 

People must watch me dressage and lol but he is such a phenomenal jumper it makes up for the fact we or usually about second to last after te first phase. It breaks my heart a little I didn't switch him to eventing earlier. He loves it so much. He probably would have been a three star horse before his body was all messed up. 

The deal is he wasn't sound. He was a one out of five off all the time, he didn't respond to the coffin joint injection very much and his feet are so brittle he needs to go on to glue ons which I can't afford, even though my incredible farrier offered me an unbelievable deal. So while he is sort of comfortable enough and functionally sound on this round of shpes he was going to be crippled. I have to remind myself of this because this means he went out still functional. He was so much more fragile than last season and I wonder how comfortable he was in his body. At some point you just have to stop throwing money at the issue and face the facts. I still can't believe it's real, that I'll never see his gorgeous pink nose again. To the best xc horse and hunter I ever rode. Love you bitchly, please forgive me.