Conni had two rail in the 1.20m on the first day. She came out in the pro-am which is 1.20m-1.30m and I had such a miss to the triple bar and I thought she was lame so I went to retire. Then the judges told me she looked fine so I carried on and she didn't have any rails, the only rail was where I missed her at the triple bar. The next day she came out in the 1.25m and she wouldn't jump her combinations. It's my fault thouh because I'm throwing my contact away in the combinations and also her courage. I am really struggling being off of my depression meds with the anxiety that shows cause and it is affecting m riding. I can feel myself partway around a round switching mentally out of the moment and as soon as I do I make a mistake.
I'm definitely also struggling with the switch from Butch to Connie. Connie rides like a little fat pony you need to keep humming a long and on Butch you basically need to not move at all. Don't put your leg on except at the base of the fences and one he gets flustered forget about it.
At the Wairarapa A & P the next weekend Butch had a rail in the 1.10m class and like four rails in the 1.20m class but he jumped well, just didn't adjust to the change in height until he was at the fourth fence. The next day they started the Amateur 30 minutes before the prescribed start time and it was a mad flap trying to get him ready and when I'm flustered forget about it. Butch was pure goat, went through the top rail of about three fences and was a jackin up shooting left llama beast. So I retired him. Late entered the 1.10m class and had a time fault in the jump-off. When we are in ring 2 we are great when we are in ring 1 it's going to pieces but at least here I figured out I need to sit on him really chilly and be completely unemotional about it or I rattle him. I also need to get him a good quality calmer when I get some money. The last day he had a rail i the jump-off of the 1.15 Championship class so that was petty cool.
Connie was double clear in her first 1.20m though I had to really work for it, te next day she had a rail in the jump-off of her 1.20m class and she bopped around happily as. The last day was the pro-am class again and I had stops in both combinations and it was a realy weird round because I would feel like my spot was there and then at the fence I would be half a stride out which was super awkward. When I came out of my round my trainer was like those aren't the spurs you use on her and I was wearing the little spurs I used on a clients horse earlier. Connie being a put put pony goes in roller spurs so that identified my lack of ride but rattled me.
Mentally I'm really struggling to ride up at the 1.25m class and it's only 5 cm so it's silly but I'm so much happier at the 1.20m height. Thats my happy place but want to jump bigger than this!
Central Hawkes Bay A and P show Connie came out in the 1.25m class first up and it was quite rideable. I got her to the last combination and there we got the big E. It was a tough round though. Not a good feeling at all. She jumped the 1.10m class that afternoon and then again the next day and I think she had a rail in one and a rail in the jump-off of the other but she was so happy bopping around that height. I'm very seriously considering selling her to a teenager or someone who wants to jump amateurs and not more than 1.20m. She is so safe and reliable but realistically not a showjumpery type, which is what I need to be riding if I want to jump bigger tracks.
Butch had a rail in the 1.15m class but jumped super and then in the Amateur got rattled down the treble combination and had 3 rails. It's so so frustrating you have no idea. My Boss hurt her back so I got to ride the beautiful Erl Grey in the 1.10m class to give him a canter around and he had a rail but it was so fun to be riding the big powerhouse holsteiner type and it was nice because I didn't make any mistakes.
So thats where we are at I guess. I want to get Connie back happy at the 1.20m height again and I need to get Butch jumping the 1.20m heights but in a relaxed way. We having been doing much with my boss hurt so thas been a lot of hard work for me. It's all good though thats why I'm here right. I'm tired, I'm so tired my bones even hurt.