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It wasn't really that long ago that I was looking forward to my birthdays. That changes quickly eh?? You start to get the feeling of time rushing away from you like sand through your fingers. It seems like there is never enough time, but at the same time there is too much time until the show season starts again! July I can start bringing in the big guns Kate and Connie back in. Everything needs to be fit before calving starts so I just have to maintain them through those horrible horrible weeks of 11-12 hour days looking after the cows and calves.

I guess now is as good as any other time to take a bit of a look back eh. This time last year I was three months into treatment for my depression and I honestly wasn't sure if I would ever compete again. I didn't know it but I'm about to get dumped too which will rock my world, but at the same time make me stronger and realise just how much I have grown up. Finally at nearly a year on I think i'm starting to be ok with being by myself. Though I do miss having someone to share my life with. Especially as Dan loved my riding and was my biggest fan and without his support I probably would have thrown it away, because he more than anyone pushed me to get help.

To recap the season before I had maxed out at 1.10m around December had a breakdown through January and started having panic attacks about going into the ring. Last show of the season I plinked around the 1m classes in a mild panic and it was a write-off really. Hunted that winter for the first time and created a slightly braver version of myself and a super improved version of Connie who was suddenly more forward and jumping across her fences. Terrible winter for abscesses last winter though and it was only with Connie that I stated the season at 1.10m so already I was ahead of last season. Some awesome clinics over the winter helped as well of course. Kate was soon on the team and I was not only completing the 1.10m classes but I was placing on both of them.

It was a dream season really. I had some setbacks of course. Connie jarred up on the hard ground and now Kate has this bumpkin knee but mostly it was a season of real successes and progress, even though we could be a little inconsistent. Highlights of course the clear round at HOY in the amateur class and placing in Connie's first 1.20m class. I feel bad that they are both Connie moments because Kate was awesome as well. Kate set the pace. I'd jump the higher height on her first get some nerve and Connie would follow her up.

Rascal had a pretty bad year but halfway through started to get her confidence back and jump with some more fluency. She then went out so I could focus on the big guns and found her niche hunting this winter. She has blown me away with her awesomness on the hunt field and that carried over to the winter showjumping so even if she doesn't sell this winter (fingers crossed) it looks good for the season to come.

Last June Bill was really green broke and now she is walk trot canter in the open and showing a bit of nice schooling when she is in consistent work. I really can't wait to have her going next season. Maybe for the August winter showjumping day she be competing as well. I get Lasik for my eyes next week and once that done and healed I'm going to get so stuck into Bill she wont know whats coming.

So the future I guess. I'd love to do some 1.30 classes with both Connie and Kate if I can fix her knee. I still have the goal to do a grand prix before I'm 30 and if (big IF) Connie has the scope potentially with two good seasons I could be doing that with her. Big big big IF! Ha dreams are free right. I'd love another season with Kate but realistically it may not happen. I feel like she owes me nothing though. I don't know what I'll do with a 12yr old TB if I can't get her sound again and if I can't free up the coin to put her in foal, but thats life I guess. I'll cross that bridge if I come to it. I'd love for Bill to be doing 1.10ms come season end, and Rascal too if she is still around but maybe in more of a showhunter rather than a jumper way.

Heres looking to the future I guess :)