Making the hard calls and living with it

 I've always been really lucky in many ways that the majority of my horses have been super sound and I haven't had to make tough decisions regarding there welfare. Just as I was starting to wonder what I was going to do in the long term with my first hack Bob, she keeled over of some sort of an aneurysm out hunting with my little sister at the age of twenty. Going out fast and clean and in her own way was very much the way of the Bob and I was glad I didn't have to watch her age and weaken. 

The thing is now there is so much intervention you can do to prolong life and maintain soundness it's become cloudier and cloudier where the lines are. It used to be clear cut if you went out and your horse had a broken leg, now the ability of surgeons has changed the life sentence that used to be. It's now for the owner to decide how much suffering the horse goes through, and whether it's worth it. 

I saw on the internet recently a horse had been 'saved' by a Brazillian surgeon after a tourniquet type injury by amputating from the fetlock down. I had a picture but honestly you guys don't need to be haunted by it like I am. The caption reads something like how it's not a death sentence and she gets to live now while the three legged horse is a rack of bones and covered in pressure sores. I don't think amputation is ever ok in large quadrupeds. Yes they can get around on three legs and a prosthetic but they can't tell you what their daily level of comfort is and horses are meant to run. Like really be able to run and play. 

If your horse sloughs it's whole foot capsule off, realistically is the pain of regrowing it for the next 9-12 months really worth it, or is this a selfish choice because you want your horse around. Obviously these are two extreme examples but because you can does that mean you should?

I have found myself recently making the tough call with my last two horses. Realistically I would love to have rehomed both of them as paddock mates, but two main reasons stopped me. They are both high maintanence horses- ie must be shod, hard fed, rugged. And once you move them out of your hands it's very hard to ensure they stay well looked after. They get passed on so easily, and as both were functionally unsound they could easily have fallen into the wrong hands. Tsar, in particular, being only ten and a beautiful type of horse who seems sound through the winter months on softer ground would be hard for someone to resist bringing him into work.   His stumbling was getting worse and the last time I rode him he felt like an old horse. Prior to that he had a big stumble and nearly went down and then jacked up and just buried me so obviously he was one uncomfortable hombre. This was after a joint injection that should have really helped. At the end of the day I had a choice to make and yea I feel bad about, of course I do. But he's safe. He had a dignified end in good health. He's never going to show up on my fb feed as a rescue case.

In all honesty it was harder with Butch, maybe because that was the first time I had to make such a call. I'm still haunted by it. I know in my heart I did the right thing by him but I still miss him in every corner of my dark little heart. I woke up thinking about him again and I think that's why I felt I had to write this. He was as sound as he had ever been when I put him down. Fatter than ever, mentally the most settled. But there was no foot for the next set of shoes and we needed to go to glue ons which are expensive as well as having a coffin joint issue and a messed up back. I can remember one day even though he was feeling good he came around te corner to the 2foot wall and jacked up and I thought he isn't that comfortable on his body anymore. He died loved, fat and mostly as sound as he could be. Far from the horse he had been as a seven yr old the first time I rode him, people had somewhat let him down and I wasn't going to let that happen to him again. 

It's people that are scared of death. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give an animal is a dignified end. It sucks and it's sad and it's so so so so hard. We are the keepers of these animals and they are so stoic and so strong and just so beautiful in every way it can be so hard to  let go of that. I'm sure some of you probably think I have been hard hearted, that I could have done more, that I so quickly moved onto other horses. Honestly I'm totally ok with that. I made a decision for both of them that ensures they can never suffer again and I can live with that.