Ambition rampage

I don't know what's been with me all week but I have been absolutely fuming. Churning and grinding in this terribly frustrated mindset. I feel like on both the horses I'm not getting anywhere. Just flailing around in the sand and getting no where. Current progress has been pretty limited though I do realise that's normal with young horses, especially once you get past that initial stage where turning stopping and travelling at the desired speed are the win. Now that I'm asking for a lot more the progress is in smaller increments. 

I don't know if it's the backdrop of the Olympics where dreams are coming true and being shattered and all that malarkey but honestly I think it's mostly the daily bombardment of equine memes all selling the same Coolaid. 

I love horses, I love riding and I love jumping. I always thought growing up that it didn't matter what stood in my path, if I tried really hard I could be it. I'm pretty confident that I was confident I'd be jumping World Cup by now. 

It didn't matter that I didn't have a lot of money, it didn't matter that I lacked in horse power. I would work my guts out and overcome the odds and attain all my goals. Because this is what we are fed all day long. 

I have worked really hard. I've educated myself in a lot of different aspects of horse care, I've trained under some amazing international riders when I got the opportunity. I have diligently (and still do) applied what I have been taught. And I'm a nice rider with good feel. My eye to a fence is pretty good and I can follow instructions. But still I have never come anywhere close to the dreams I used to have. I say used to, there's definitely still an ember burning that just wants to jump a Grand Prix. 

Realistically though following my dream led to some pretty bum life choices. It's been cool jumping all over the country and chasing the series, but becoming a working pupil really was eye opening. The sheer number of horses you need to go through to find a super star is boggling. If they have the jump they don't have the attitude and visa versa. And then you still have to keep them sound and sane which is no easy feat.

And let's be honest the horses with the talent and the attitude are quite frankly dicks and often not very fun to deal with anyway.

You can put in the sweat, and the tears and the blood. You can put everything you have into something until you are running your car on $5 gas a time. It takes more than that though. You need luck, support and money and even then with horses that's no guarantee. 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is dream big beautiful mental dreams, fan the ember of passion and ambition. Believe in your ability to achieve. Don't carry failure solely on your own shoulders. Know that it takes more than just talent and hard work. Don't let your dream cloud your vision so you can't afford to keep riding. Accept that you have to do a million miles of basics on every horse you have and that luck and life will make you feel like all you do is put the basics on and never get to progress on. It doesn't matter where you start or how long it takes you to get there if you get there at all. What matters is that you start. Love the horse, develop that relationship because really the ribbons are just the icing on the cake of being lucky enough to even have a horse. 

Sorry late night stream of consciousness. Will sleep now. Thanks guys. Be brave.